Healing require Peace🕊️

I was checking my instagram. I saw some pervious archive stories in which I posted some Q/A. I got a lot of messages and I tried to share everyone’s answers. I read that again and then I thought of writing something about that. So here are some thoughts I want to share and this is also a reminder for me. I hope it will be useful for you.

Most of the questions were about how to overcome from toxic relationships, from the past and about the healing process, self-doubt, etc.

Most of the questions are mentioned below. And there were so many questions like that.

At first, I felt bad how people doubt themselves just because of how they were treated. It’s just because they didn’t get what they deserve. I am not the only one and you are not the only one who is going through bad times. Everyone is suffering from something they didn’t share. But it’s not bad to share your feelings. Well I am no genius or god that I can solve your misery in seconds. But I am just a writer who can tell you my thought and my point of view. I can only tell you how I see the world in this misery. How do I deal with it? After all, I am a human just like you.

How did you change yourself? 

Have you accepted what’s happening around you?

If I'm being honest, I have not changed myself and especially not for anyone. Basically I'm the type of person who stills think a lot about even the little things. There is a lot that I get to know in a very short time. And I'm trying to improve myself. Somewhere I just accepted and still accepting the bitter truth of my life which I have been ignoring for a long time. And I’m still trying to accept what’s happening around me. I am not a perfect person at all. I make mistakes. But I always try to learn from them. All this point, I realized that it is more important to love yourself than to give your love to others. It is more important to give time to yourself. Because in the end it’s only you. So don’t underestimate yourself. You are capable of so much more than you think.

Is that ok to waiting for someone?

Do they deserve a second chance? 

What if they change? 

How do you know who is right person for you? 

I believe that love will come when it has to come but sometimes I used to wait eagerly for it and maybe I am still waiting for it. But you know what? The thought of waiting for love is mistake. And you don't realize it until you come very far. Because love comes when it has to come and it stays when you give yourself in it when you put efforts to make it alive, to put efforts to make it stay. There is no love without efforts. There is no relationship without efforts. I think love is the main part of life and I know that many hopeless romantic people like me think so. But love taught me many things like no matter what you do, no matter how much you give yourself in it, no matter how deep you trying to smile after hurt so badly, no matter how many times you are with them in good times & hard times, no matter what you offered is heaven or treasure, it will lose its dignity when you stop putting efforts. If your partner's feelings for you have changed, it means that your relationship is already dead. Then no matter how hard you try to save that dead relationship, it will never bloom again. You cannot change people by loving them hard. I understand that many times we're on a hope, a little hope that may be one day you will find them. They will come back. They will understand. They will change. They will love you. They will accept you. But no, it’s not miracle. Miracles don’t happen in real life and people never change. Waiting for someone is like a fucking painful bullshit I ever experienced. It takes a lot from you. May be it took everything from you. And in the end it just left you in pain or nothing else. It's okay to love someone but waiting for that person who don't give a fuck about it. It's only mistake. People never appreciate your worth until you leave. I understand that in the beginning we don't realize who is right or wrong person for us and it's totally fine. How can you know what is right for you, without first learning what is wrong? And if someone is apologizing to you, so of course they deserve forgiveness, they deserve second chance but not in your life. And maybe you can forgive them. But Karma never forgets anyone and never loses any address. Be with someone where you also love yourself. But I hope you find your love, unexpectedly, because waiting for love is only a mistake or nothing.

Why loving hard someone is painful?

Is love beautiful? 

Is falling in love wrong? 

Some people think that love is hard. But this is not true. Love isn’t hard. Love is beautiful. It’s simple and pure. We humans just make it complicated. If you love the right person, then you feel it is the most beautiful feeling. But if you expect it from the wrong person, then no matter how much hard you love. You will never be able to experience it beautifully. It’s beautiful to love someone. But it’s more beautiful to get the same amount of love back. There is nothing wrong with falling in love. But there is no point of staying where you are not being valued and appreciated.

Don’t we deserve love? 

Everyone deserves love in this world. No matter how good or bad you are. You deserve to be loved. Just wait for your turn. Maybe one day you will meet someone who will appreciates you for who you are and will accepts the real you. There are very few people who accept the real you. And if you have them, keep them in your life.

What should you do If someone doesn’t treat you good? 

Is it ok to expect happiness/love from people?

Why I am not good enough? 

I think missing a person is completely different than waiting for them to change or treat you nicely. I know it's really hard to see how they're changing. How are you begging them for their time and attention and even for love. When you’re blindly in love, you’re willing to accept even abuse as the language of love. You can’t change the way people treat you unless they accept your worth or feel sorry for treating you the way treated you. If they disrespect you today, they will disrespect you tomorrow and day after that. You will be okay with it because you're hoping for them to show even a little bit of love/affection. You feel it would be enough for you. But it won't. You can love people hard, but they wouldn't acknowledge it unless they value you. Just remember that being miserable alone is better than being around someone who don't value you or shame you for being you. And even after apologizing if they are treating you the same way, they won't treat you nicely again in anytime soon. Please make very clear the fact that people once they forget your value, they won't understand it again unless you're gone.

A time will come in your life when some people will regret why they treated you wrong. Trust me it will definitely come.

What should you do if you are stuck in the past?

Why moving on is difficult?

How much healing takes time? 

Stuck in past like stuck in swamp. It's a drowning into a never ending chaos. And there was a time when I was stuck in it, at that time I never realized that it was affecting my mental health. I was not mature enough before. That's why it takes time. Eventually I start learning. In that time I made thousands of mistakes, took wrong decisions and in the end I felt empty. There was nothing left to feel. I was feeling depressed or nothing. But I calmed myself down and then I accepted things and am still trying. Nothing is hard just what our brain think it is. Yes sometimes I miss those people. But I am glad that they are no longer a part of my life. I know what I feel for them but I choose what is good for me. Moving on is hard because we keep on looking back where we're not supposed to. Everything takes its time. Healing requires peace, not hatred. Yes this is the hardest part. But you have to do it. This isn't a fantasy world where someone comes up to you and holds your hand and says "I will fix you" No, this is not a fairytale where you are waiting for your prince/princess. This is the reality where you have to accept the bitter truth. Because you can fool the whole world, but you can't fool yourself. It takes time and that's okay. You will be fine.

I don't know why life always sucks ! Tbh kinda feel stressed at this time.

Life sucks. To be honest, Yes it sucks! At that point everything sucks. But this is life. This is your life. You have to live it, you have to love it, and you have to make it beautiful or whatever you want. Because this is the right time. You have only one life. And it’s your decision to live it for yourself, not for anyone but for yourself. Because no one give a damn fuck about that. At this point of my life I realized that I wasted too much time on those things and those people who are no longer with me. I once begged them to stay in my life. I begged for their attention, for their love. And fuck that's the saddest thing I ever done in my life. Just remind it that no one is permanent, people come and just walk out from your life. But they always taught you at least one lesson. When we are so much stuck in that stuff. We kinda feel depressed. But it's okay... it makes us stronger. These are temporary things but these things are important. That’s how you start growing or learning. That's how we learn to value ourselves.

Who is your inspiration?

My biggest inspiration is writing. I think writing is the biggest reason I am alive. I healed myself because of this. It makes me strong. I know the words do come out as depressing or in sadness but it's just the way of self expression. Not every day can be a happy one, so on days we the words maybe sound heartbreaking. When I starting believing that everything is temporary that there is no point to hold everything too tightly because it can all slip away any moment. So yes, I am grateful and happy for what I have. Writing is just the purest form of healing for me.

I know they say that everything will be alright on their own time. Time heals everything, one day you will find someone who will make you happy. Pain will make you more stronger blah blah. But we already know that this is not true. There’s no harmony after so much damage and pain. Time will never heal you. Or no person can fill your suffering with bandage of love. The damage has been done. And no amount of love can fill your all emptiness of years. Maybe you will find someone who bring lots of happiness in your life and remove all the darkness that consumes you. But that fear, that scars will remain the rest of your life. They will remind you that darkness. I know it sound rude and negative. But it’s true. We all know that it is bitter truth. Nobody wants to accept it. But this is reality. In reality everyone is going to break your heart, no matter how much they love you. And why are we so much dependent on others. Why do we expect happiness love and care from others? Why? Why do we pass on the responsibility of our happiness to someone else? No one will come to save you. Everyone has their own life. People have their own responsibilities. But somewhere that’s okay. It’s human nature to create our own storm and later get irritated by the rain. You might be wondering why I am being so negative. I know I am. No matter how many times I see things in positive ways, but that chaos of darkness always shows me the bitter truth. I am the type of girl who notices a lot of things. But I never showed them. I always wear kindness on my smile. If someone hurts me and still they asks me for my help. I simply do it. I never thought of paying the same amount of hurt or hatred. I never pretend what’s hurt me. Mostly I never share what I am going through. I just simply told them I am fine and it’s okay. I said I don’t care. But deep down I know how much it hurt. How much those little things hurt me. But I know there is lot of people like me. You know sometimes I feel pathetic for myself. Deep down I am not stronger enough to fight my own trauma. I tried so hard. But those thoughts still hunt me, I always trying to escape from it. I read books, I paint. These are my hobbies. I guess they are the best places for me to escape. And I know that one day I will finally be free from that maze. I know one day those scars or damage won’t make any difference to me.

Every year I have always lost and found something. With each passing year I made friends then I lost them. I found love then I lost it too. I saw myself crying, begging, lonely, and not loving, not being chosen, and not being enough. And it had completely broken me inside and outside. At that time my mind was flooded with all the stuff and flashbacks. The things that I had barely gotten out of, they all started swirling in my mind at once. I was feeling sad. But my hands would tremble when I tried to write something on the notebook. I could hardly sleep at nights. Mostly I felt depressed. I started having headaches. I read somewhere that “Anxiety is the most silently painful experience. It doesn't make any sense and you sit alone and suffer for some unknown reason. You can't explain it.” That's why I used to drink black tea and from that time I started drinking black tea. It gives me relief, and controls my emotions. I couldn't understand how to talk to anyone and share my real fear. I was helpless. I did not contact anyone for months and later gave them the excuse of my phone being damaged. That was really the worst time. I did my best and I was feeling worthless. Mostly I try to keep myself busy with writing. And it seems it helped me. I was just trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I tried so hard. But I never understood. I still don't know how I came over from that and somewhere a small part of me is still stuck in that. And may be the reason behind this is my own book. Due to which I distracted myself and focused on my dream. But I never want to experience that again in my life. Now I don't have that many people. But I am glad that I am surrounded by my people who make me feel like home. The last two years were not easy for me at all, and this year may be too. From last two years I have learned a lot; even I have made a lot of mistakes. Every mistake has taught me a lesson and every decision has made me stronger. But apart from this, there were many such things which seemed like a nightmare. It felt like endless chaos and somewhere in a corner of my heart it is still inside me. The age between 16-25 is not easy at all. You learn, you grow, you fall, you fail but in the end you let it go and do what's best for you. Eventually you erase all your regrets and start all over with a new journey. When I was a kid, I was a very short-tempered person and still am. But over time I learned to control the anger issue and turn it into a healing process. But sometimes at the same time, I think it’s easier to show anger than to hide behind a happy face. I never thought that the phases I have to go through in my life will become so much difficult or complicated for me. But I am still trying to overcome from that and I always suggest to everyone that "things take time, but time doesn’t heal you. You have to heal yourself because no one will come to rescue you with your own thoughts." I still believe that your hardest fight is with yourself and with your mind. No one can hurt you unless you give them that opportunity or that weakness. Time will change because it has to change, people will come and just walk out of your life because they have to go, but in the end it’s just you or nothing. There was a time when I felt pity for myself. Then I told myself It's okay to cry, it's okay to fall apart, it's okay to hide your wounds, just don't give up and that wounds gave me a reason to myself. Then I stopped feeling pity for myself and started loving myself. I stopped chasing after temporary people and started focusing on my goal and chasing my dreams. And that gave me a reason to live, a reason to love myself. Last year I fulfilled one of my dreams. I published my first book. And it gave me so much happiness. At that time I realized that the real happiness and joy lies within you, neither in the world nor in anyone else. It’s just in you. In the end it remains nothing but me and my dreams which I want to fulfill. And honestly, doing whatever you want to do is another level of happiness. It is like a step closer to our dream.

:- SNEHA SAJWAN

The strongest people are those who win battles we know nothing about.

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