Dear Twenties

More of me

 

DEAR TWENTIES

To the people who are confused and still figuring it out.

I’ve read somewhere, and I’m sure many of you have too, that our twenties are special—a crucial phase of life. And I believe it’s true. Your twenties are all about exploring, wandering, falling, healing, and finding your path. Your early twenties are a time to make decisions about your future and figure out what you want in life—it marks the beginning of everything because you’re no longer a teenager. This is the time when you have to choose a good college and decide what you want in life. Some people have a solid mindset and figure out early on what they want. For others, fate takes them in unexpected directions. Then there are those who, under the influence of others, learn and try to do things, some are unable to accomplish them, and more than half of them are confused about what to do. If what they’re doing doesn’t work out, they end up feeling hopeless. But honestly, what can a 19- or 20-year-old mind do?

The late twenties, on the other hand, are a reflection of the choices you made earlier—they show the results of your efforts and decisions.

But the mid-twenties? They’re the time of realization. It’s when you think, “Oops! This isn’t what I want. And I definitely don’t want to do this for the rest of my life. But this—this is what I really want.” Because sometimes things don’t work out the way we expect. Sometimes you take a step forward, and other times, you take a step back. This is probably the most confusing time of life. Some people figure out their way early, while others are still searching. And that’s totally okay. Sometimes we make the wrong decisions, and sometimes we make the right ones. Sometimes we’re influenced by the wrong people, and sometimes the right people change our entire perspective. Sometimes we learn, and sometimes we win. And that’s life.

And half of our generation also has the mindset that by the time they're in their late twenties, they should have their career and love life figured out and be settled. And the whole generation seems to be chasing this idea. Why? Because the world and society want it that way. Bro your twenties are all about making mistakes and learning from them. It’s about meeting new people and learning from them; it’s about doing all kinds of things to realize what you actually want for the rest of your life. It’s never too late to start something new. Maybe people around you are settling down quickly, getting married, going abroad, starting families, which is good for them. But you don’t need to feel pressured by it. You are not late. Everyone has their own pace. Just explore as much as you can in your twenties, from traveling to finding your passion. Because in the end, your twenties are special.

 But to be honest, sometimes we do get offended. We get offended by people who seem to be doing better than us, who have more privileges, are more productive, or seem to have it all together. And it’s okay to feel that way. It’s perfectly fine to fall and then stand back up on your own. It’s okay to cry and to smile. It’s justified to regret something you did if it helped you realize what’s good or bad for you. It’s completely fine to say no to things that don’t make you happy or comfortable. Don’t let society or the influence of others pressure you into something. It’s not wrong to try or to pursue something unique. Maybe it’s just not your time yet, and that’s okay too.

But have you ever noticed that you take time to understand something. What I want to tell you is that life gives us countless opportunities, but we often fail to realize their value at the time. We’re so comfortable in our personal space that we don’t want to step out of it. But your twenties aren’t meant for just sitting and waiting—they’re about getting up and exploring. Maybe some of you can’t relate to this right now, but trust me, the moment you start questioning yourself—"What the heck am I doing?"—you’ll begin to see it clearly. You’ll realize that what you were doing was very unhealthy or unfulfilling, and that realization can be both breaking and empowering. Your twenties teach you life’s toughest lessons—they break you and build you at the same time, helping you understand your worth and where you truly belong. There’s a quote that I read on the internet: “If you’re unsure about a decision or unable to move on from a situation, keep going back to it until you find your answer. Keep revisiting it until you’re certain it’s not what you want anymore. Maybe you didn’t have a reason yesterday, but today, you might.”

I guess it took me a long time to realize some things so deeply, but once I make up my mind, I don’t look back. One thing that keeps running through my mind is that this is the time when you truly see people’s real faces. If your old friends are still in touch, hold onto them—they’re irreplaceable. And if someone helps you without being asked, make sure you stand by them just as they stood by you. Many times, you might know that what you're doing isn't right. Your friends might point it out, but you won't understand it at that moment, and that's okay. What I’ve learned is that until you realize something for yourself, no one can change your mind. As long as you don’t understand it, you’ll keep making the same mistake. But once you do realize it, and your mindset changes, nothing can make you go back. What people often do is, even if someone is not treating them well, they don’t distance themselves from that person. They continue being nice and treating them with respect. But once you stop looking at those people through the lens of love and start seeing them for who they truly are, and remember how they treated you, trust me, you will start feeling anger towards them. That’s when you’ll understand that your friends were right. Your true friends will never want to hurt you; they always want what’s best for you. There’s no shame in realizing things later. What matters is that you’ve learned from it, understood it, and removed those negative people from your life.

At this age, you start working, learning new things because everyone wants to earn money and become self-independent. But you must remember not to lose yourself in the race. Sometimes, you have to do things that aren't right for you just to understand that you don’t want to do them for the rest of your life. So, live your life and explore. Then choose what truly brings you happiness. Many people can't follow their passion because they get stuck in responsibilities. Watching your dreams die every day in front of your eyes is one of the saddest feelings. You see others following the same passion and reaching new heights, while you wish you had the time to do what truly makes you happy.

So, my message to everyone is: please try following your passion at least once. I understand that for an artist, patience is everything. Many might come from backgrounds where patience isn't valued, but you can still try. Whether you succeed or not, that’s secondary. But at least you’ll have peace of mind knowing you did something for yourself in life. You’ll be satisfied. The world will always try to demotivate you because they don’t see the struggle. But there are people who will motivate you, and you should listen to them. There must be many people like me, who are 24 years old and still confused about what to do next. Some might have tried a lot of things before, but now they don't feel like continuing. Sometimes in life, there are turning points where you think something will happen, but something else happens. And these things make life thrilling. There's nothing wrong if you planned something, and it turned out differently. As they say, ‘Whatever happens, happens for the best.’ So, never think that your time has passed. Everyone has their own time.

Let me tell you my story:

When I was a child, I wanted to become a doctor. I really enjoyed putting bandages on injuries, giving medicines, and dressing wounds. When I started going to school, I was good at studies first. But as I moved to higher classes, I started realizing that my focus was not just on studies but on many other things as well. I began to understand that maybe my destiny was leading me in a different direction. Still, I chose the science stream in 11^th grade. Even though I was fully aware that I wasn’t going to pursue medical studies. But I was confident that I would figure something out in the future.

I grew up in a hostel, so I considered all my friends as my family, and I still do. I spent 7 years with them, and even today, there are some people who are very important in my life. I feel blessed that they always motivated me in whatever I did. I started drawing in school; it had been my favourite hobby since childhood. Later, I began writing poetry and I was good in English too. Everyone thought I would choose this field and take related subjects, but still, I chose science. I never saw my art or poetry as a career; they were just hobbies, and they still are. My art teacher was shocked and asked me why I didn’t choose arts. She even advised me to pursue a course in fashion designing because she thought I was very creative. I felt blessed that someone saw talent in me. I convinced my best friend to join the course with me after completing the school because she also had similar interests.

But coming from a lower middle-class background, I couldn’t afford the high fees for either medical or fashion designing. Even if my family took a loan for it, I was more worried about what would happen if I couldn’t continue. I was also afraid that if my mind changed later, I wouldn’t know how to face it. Considering all these things, I decided to remove these thoughts from my mind.

After 12^th, I did a year of graduation in BSc from government college because most of my friends were doing it, and others were taking NEET coaching. My best friend was doing a fashion designing course, and I was really happy for her that she followed her passion. I had no idea what I was doing, and there was no one to guide me. But in that first year of BSc, I realized, why am I doing this? What will I do with it in the future? I didn’t have the courage to tell my family that I was dropping this graduation. I kept thinking about how, in childhood, I had dreamed of becoming a doctor because I wanted to have "Dr." before my name and wear a white coat. And now, this science stream was starting to feel like a burden, something I was continuing with even though I didn’t want to. I searched for something related to art course and found out that there’s a graduation in BA Painting, but I had to wait for the next year’s session. So, I dropped my current graduation after 1^st semester. After that, COVID hit, and I felt depressed because I thought I had wasted an entire year. I didn’t take any coaching along with my graduation, and now, because of COVID, it seemed like I would waste the second year too. I knew I wanted to do a BA in Painting, but I didn’t know how to manage it from home. Colleges were closed, and there was still time for new admissions. There was a lot of pressure from home because I was just sitting at home doing nothing. I had to hear a lot about “how I wasted my entire year. I should have had enough knowledge to know what I was doing, and my family members even said that I should have just gotten a job instead.” Everyone would come home, give me lectures, and leave. The whole world was sitting at home during COVID, and here I was, listening to all these taunts. So, that was really one of the worst times. On top of that, my personal life was in a bad state, and I literally couldn’t understand what was happening. I was really depressed at that time.

So, during that time when I was feeling depressed, I explored my hobbies. I started to read more books. The things I used to do for fun or entertainment, I was now doing it to escape from reality, because I was searching for what truly made me happy. In school, I didn’t really enjoy studying, but today, books are my top priority in life. Back in school, when 14–15-year-old Sneha used to write poems for curriculum activities, now, at the age of 19-20, that same Sneha was writing a book for herself. And this was probably the first time I gave importance to my passion. Whether it became as successful as I thought it would or not, that's a matter for later. But I tried and took one step forward, which is a big deal for me. Because in an artist's life, patience is everything, and this is just the beginning.

After that, I took admission in BA, and I found out that I had to choose another subject because there were two main subjects. I was stressed because, apart from the science stream, I was only interested in arts, but I had zero knowledge about other art’s subjects. Then I saw English Literature as an option. To be honest, I was good at English since school, and I used to get good marks in it. And it felt like life had brought me back to literature. So, I chose English as my second main subject, and it turned out to be the best subject I ever chose. Because the interest I have in literature today, I can't even explain. It has changed my whole perspective.

Along with my graduation, I also worked and later published my first book. Even within my family, I got a lot of criticism, like ‘What do you do, just write all day? Read useless books? What’s going to come out of writing a book? It's just a hobby.’ And on the day my work got published, the same questions: ‘How much did you earn? How much royalty did you get?’

You can’t even imagine what it’s like to come from a background where passion doesn’t hold any importance. Families like it when someone from outside has done something or even same thing, achieved fame, but when it’s someone from their own family, the questions are always, ‘Why couldn’t you do that?’ As I said, patience is not appreciated here; people want results immediately. So, in such a situation, how can a person even try?

I didn’t like my job at all, but as I said, sometimes we have to do things to understand what we don’t want to do for the rest of our life. 

To be honest, in the last couple of years (especially 2022-2023), I was stuck in a loop in my life. Now, my family expected me to prepare for government jobs along with my college and regular job. While this is a good thing in some ways, since everyone seems to be preparing for government jobs these days, I felt completely drained by my daily routine. Even though I was tired of everything, I still tried to do what my parents expected of me. And this is when the loop began for me.

So, I used to go to coaching in the morning, then to the office, and then come home in the evening. My job was from 10 to 6, but somehow it turned into 6 to 8 for me, and I didn’t even realize how it happened. And when exams used to come, it became really difficult to manage everything. On exam days too, I would go for the exam first and then go to the office. Sundays would pass by so quickly; I wouldn’t even realize when it was over. I didn’t even have time to read a book, not to write anything, nor to paint, because I was so exhausted during the weekdays. Maybe this thing doesn’t seem that complicated at first glance, but no one even asked in my family how I was managing all of this, except my coaching teacher. I don’t even properly remember how my days went at that time. I wanted to quit everything, but so many things were going on in my personal life that I thought staying busy would keep me going. In my personal life, I was going through so much that I didn’t even have the time to talk to anyone. To keep myself from feeling too depressed or overthinking, I chose to stay busy. May be, I was trying to escape from reality. Sometimes, I had to hear a lot at work, and I often felt like crying. I didn’t even understand how to get out of this loop. And trust me, that was one of the saddest things that ever happened to me. But somewhere in 2023, my perspective started to change. Last year, I learned that all this constant hustle and running around doesn’t make sense when life is so unpredictable. If I keep spending all my time doing things I don’t truly want to do, then when will I ever focus on what I really want?

When it was time for my master's, I decided to give more priority to English Literature instead of painting. I thought that with a job, I wouldn’t have enough time for painting, but I could manage English. Both were important to me, and I didn’t want to stop my studies because of my job, nor did I want to quit my job. But when I realized how much studying and how many exams I would have to deal with for my master's, I had to quit my job. At that time, I wasn’t sure how I’d manage everything, but I had no other option. Currently, I am pursuing my master's in English Literature and am in my final year. This year, I had to quit my job because it was impossible to manage both the master's and studying for exams. I had planned to work later, but maybe I’m not ready for that yet. And at this point, I just want to study more. It's all thanks to English literature for keeping my interest in studying again. And luckily, I am also working on my second book, but it will take some time because I am also preparing for exams.

Earlier, whenever someone complimented me for being multi-talented, I used to feel happy. But now, when people say, ‘You can do this, you can do that, you have so many options,’ it honestly frustrates me. Because despite having so many skills, even a multi-talented person often ends up confused about what to focus on. It’s like there isn’t a single skill that feels worth fully investing in. For me, having so many hobbies were never about perfection—it was because I genuinely enjoyed trying new things.

Often, people around you give advice, telling you what you should or shouldn’t do. Some even criticize your choices, saying things like, 'Why are you doing this? It’s useless. You should try something better.' Let’s understand this from two sides.

From the point of view of the person giving advice, they feel they are helping by sharing something useful. And yes, sometimes their advice can actually help and lead to good outcomes.

Now, from the perspective of the one receiving advice, there are usually two types of people. The first are those who are confused and don’t know what to do. They take the advice, follow it, and may succeed. The second are those who have new or different ideas but need a bit of confidence to move forward. Because in the beginning, everyone feels scared about whether their ideas will work. The problem arises when the advice given doesn’t support them but instead adds to their confusion. Such advice doesn’t help; it only makes them doubt themselves and their decisions even more. For example, people might say, 'Why are you doing this? You’re talented; try something else,' or 'This won’t work, leave it and do something better. I told you before, it would have been better if you had done that instead. Stop what you’re doing now and try this.’

Bro, stop! Let that person breathe. They didn’t ask for your opinion. If you know so much, why don’t you try it yourself? Most of the time, the person giving advice hasn’t even done it themselves; they’ve just heard it from someone else. And instead of helping, you’re confusing them and making them doubt themselves. At least ask them what they want to do first. I just have one request: please don’t lower someone’s confidence like this. It’s good to offer solutions, but there’s a difference between giving advice and forcing your opinion on someone. Let them do what they want to do.

To all the people out there, if you’re confused about something, take a moment to think calmly about what you really want and what feels right for you at that time. Don’t just jump into something because someone said it and it sounded good. And don’t let yourself get caught up in everyone’s opinions. Remember this: the world is full of advice, but rarely offers true support. Always keep that in mind.

I’ve received countless pieces of advice in my life and even more opinions. 'Do this, do that,' they say. But honestly, I don’t want to. If I’m sharing something with you, it’s because I trust you. It’s not like that I am free or I haven’t thought about my own path. Everyone thinks their way is right, but confusing someone or putting them in a dilemma isn’t helpful. And constantly reminding someone of their 'wrong decisions' or suggesting what they 'should have done' doesn’t make anything better.

And maybe this entire 2024 has made me realized that what I was doing earlier, I might not want to do anymore. This year, I realized many things that I hadn’t before. I’ve let go of a lot of things, and I’m happy about that. I don’t want to carry the garbage and negativity of this year into the next. Where once I didn’t want to focus on studies at all, now I’m planning for higher studies. Until yesterday, when I had no time, all my friends were in college, and today they are working, while I’m thinking about further studies. Someone once told me that “life can be unexpected, and you never know.” I guess it’s true.

I know that a job is important, and a career is important. And as someone from a middle-class background, you have to make sacrifices. A lot of people say that girls don’t face much pressure; they have the option to get married if they are not doing anything. And maybe that’s true, but my family has always prioritized education and work, never thinking about whether I am a boy or a girl. They still ask me when I’m going to get a job. And this time, I told them straight away that I want to study more. I don't want to live a life where I get stuck in a loop from morning to evening and am unable to do what I actually enjoy.

In this whole hustle and bustle of life, I realized that when one path closes, another one automatically opens up. Sometimes, you have to take risks. Maybe that one risk could change your fate. It could be that what you didn't like yesterday seems important today, and what was once very important might not be as significant now. That's life. These ups and downs teach you how to live and makes you strong. And dreaming in your 20s is not a bad thing. There are no criteria for dreams. What matters is having the spirit to pursue them and maintaining a positivity.

People still haven’t stopped saying things to me. Even now, my family keeps asking me to either find a job or crack an exam if I’m not currently working. And we all know how intense the competition is today, with people preparing for it for years. But then I think, if I were still stuck in that loop, I would’ve never realized that I want to study further. I wouldn’t have had the clarity I have now. Sometimes, taking risks doesn’t just change your situation—it changes your mindset too. And now, I’ve learned my lesson: I’ll never overburden myself with all that hustle-bustle just because someone has expectations from me. This applies not just to my career but to everything in life. Along with college, my love life was pretty pathetic to be honest. But I’m not going to talk about it. So, let’s skip that part.

It’s not that I’ve never been demotivated. Just as I am blessed by the people who motivate me, there are also people in my life who have criticized and demotivated me. They’ve asked questions like, "What are you always writing? What will you do with this useless degree when you don’t plan on doing anything further?" There have been many such things that literally made me doubt myself. I spent a lot of time building my confidence. Like "If I make fun of myself, why would anyone else?" To be honest, these were my insecurities that others gave me. And it's not just about my work, but even about my appearance too. There are a lot of such things you have to deal with in life. You can’t change people’s minds, but you can kick them out of your life and forget about their existence. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do next. Because I’ve learned to be practical and not get too emotional anymore.

Always remember, if you want to do something or are already trying, there will be people who’ll stand in your way, pull you back, or even make fun of you to lower your confidence. While not everyone might face such situations, many people hold back from trying just because of this fear. I can only give you this much confidence: you are not alone in this. But if you truly want to achieve something, you’ll have to stand up for yourself. If you feel there are people around you who are holding you back, then it’s better to distance yourself from them. This is the time when you learn to distinguish between real and fake people. So, while you spend so much time living for others, make sure to take some time for yourself—to explore and grow. Trust me, you’ll fall in love with yourself.

 I am 24 years old now, and I have seen a lot in the past few years. I haven't written about many things here, as some of them I have already shared in my previous blogs. What I mean is, I have gone through a lot, and those experiences have changed me. I have seen the worst times of my life, and I am sure many of you have faced your own struggles too. But I have chosen positivity now, because life gives thousands of reasons to cry and feel upset, but nothing changes with that. If you want to make life better, you have to stay positive.

Alright, I’m wrapping up my blog now—it might have gotten a bit long, but I hope you all found it helpful. Before I end, I want to share one last thought, especially for all my female friends and companions who are part of my life and have always been there for me. Female friendships are probably the purest bond, whether it’s with a friend, sister, long-distance best friend, roommate, classmate, or anyone else. The kind of support you get here is unmatched. I may not have told my friends this before, but I feel truly blessed to have you all in my life. Even if I haven’t met some of you for 2–3 years, I know I can call you at 2 a.m., and you’ll be there for me. If there’s one thing truly precious that I’ve earned in life, it’s my female friends. No matter how much I write about you all, it’ll never be enough. I’ll always wish for all of you to have every happiness in the world.

THANK YOU